40 days...

Never trust internet applications to calculate for you. I posted a countdown clock on my facebook page yesterday and it told me there were only 37 days left until my trip... and tonight, it's telling me there are 40 days left. Silly.

Still - 40 days does not sound like very long. Especially when you add the holidays, and one busy weekend after another added into the mix.

I'm starting to get anxious... in good and bad ways... on many different levels... about the actual trip.

The vaccinations are pretty much done (except for a twinrix reminder at the end of December) which removes a huge stress for me. Only people who have known me for a long time, or who know me well, can really understand how big of a deal it was for me to go (by choice) and to get not one, not two... but FIVE needles. I am starting to believe that phobias can be overcome by having good experiences in situations that were once very negative.

Although the needles were very difficult for me, it went really well. I had a good friend with me (thank you Jacquie) who didn't try to tell me to get over it but held my hand and was really there for me. (thank you for understanding that my fear is NOT logical... can cannot be overcome by reason!)

Now I'm looking at my equipment list... figuring out what I have left to get. There aren't very many details left to take care of... except figuring out the whole "satellite phone" thing... since I don't think I can go 10 entire days without any contact with my family... with my babies. (Even when I studied in France before Brandon and I were married, we e-mailed almost every day and talked every few days...)

I'm also thinking again that I should be making an appointment to officially write out my/our will. I'm wondering if I should prepare for the absolute worst and write letters to my girls and husband... that I can tear up and burn when I return home safe and sound (!) and I'm realizing that it's a completely different thing to travel alone when you're a mom.

As a mom, I have more concerns, I have more worries... the WHAT IF questions seem so much bigger than they used to. I've never been scared to fly and of course I find myself more worried than ever... and it's hard to know what to do with the passing "what ifs" that go through my brain. Tuck them away and pray for the best?

I'm thrilled with how well the fundraising has gone... (I'm over the $8000 for Make-A-Wish!!!) but it's hard to believe that these last several months, and all the work, is just half of the project. The other half starts on January 4th.

In 40 days...


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